A SILLY ABC
Mike loves silly and nonsense verse and Edward Lear is a particular favourite of his. A Silly ABC is the first in a series of Silly works he's written.
A Silly ABC
Alan’s arm-pits were infested with nits
And lice and mites and sticky bits.
His father said, “I’ll lose my wits,
If you don’t have a creepy-crawly blitz”.
Berty’s belly wobbled like jelly.
He sat all day long in front of the telly,
Eating triple-cheese pizza from his local Deli,
Covered with mustard - yellow and smelly.
Charlie’s chest was quite the best
And he’d strut around in just his vest.
I think by now you will have guessed,
That he really was a dreadful pest.
Davinia’s dress was quite a mess,
It was violent green and did fluoresce.
Her boyfriend lived in great distress,
But to some her attire did greatly impress.
Edmund’s eyes were as big as pies,
So it should come as no surprise,
That he was well read, insightful and wise
And able to see through any disguise.
Freddy’s feet smelled perfectly sweet,
Even in the summer heat.
But they were wide and long and indiscrete,
And he was apt to step in wet concrete.
Gordon’s gums were like his mum’s;
Red and shiny like fresh picked plums.
They were sticky too, and could pick up crumbs,
Which he happily shared with all his chums.
Harriet’s hair went everywhere,
And people stopped in awe to stare.
But she wasn’t troubled, nor did she care,
She liked the attention being on her.
Ian ate ice crushed up with spice,
To him it tasted especially nice.
And he gobbled chedder, slice after slice,
As he sat around telling stories to mice.
Jasmin’s jaw hung down to the floor,
Its length you could simply not ignore.
But the surgeon fixed it with his saw,
So it’s not that massive anymore.
Kevin’s knees were stung by bees,
It made him weep - it made him sneeze.
He went to the clinic and cried, “O please!”
So the nurse rubbed in a potion of peas.
Lara’s limbs were lovely and slim,
And strong - for she spent hours in the gym.
So whenever she went for a run or a swim,
She never come second, she’d always win.
Martin’s mo did grow and grow,
Always fast and never slow.
In just one week it reached Borneo
And nothing could curb its rampant flow.
Norman’s nose was long, I suppose
That so were his metacarpals and toes.
With his facial extremity greatly exposed,
He would always avoid the winter snows.
Oliver’s ox had a dose of the pox,
Contracted from some dirty socks.
So it had to live in a silver box,
Securely fastened with fifteen locks.
Pauline’s pants would make her dance,
So her life was filled with great romance.
She met a man and at first glance,
Fell in love, and went to live in France.
Quentin’s quill came from Brazil,
From a bird that lived high on a hill.
Its song was piercing and terribly shrill;
Nice plumage does not mean singing skill.
Roberto’s rib-cage was all the rage,
And so he appeared on the stage.
He commanded quite a healthy wage
And was often seen on the front page.
Samantha’s skin was incredibly thin;
You could see her bones and organs within.
If she walked down the road there was always a din
And people rang the police and her next of kin.
Tony’s teeth were stolen by a thief;
His mother stared in disbelief.
And so smitten with the gravest grief
She wept endlessly into her handkerchief.
Una’s umbrella had a fancy propeller,
She built a launching pad at home in her cellar,
Then took off with the flash of a million candela
And flew into space and became inter-stellar.
Victoria’s veins gave her terrible pains,
So she liked to go walking down country lanes.
She’d splash in the puddles and jump in the drains
And come home covered in wonderful stains.
Walter had warts under his shorts;
They were big and green, by all reports.
So he would go to lengthy resorts,
To apply a poultice of earwigs and quartz.
Xena’s X-rays made the doctors all gaze,
She’d swallowed a TV in her younger days.
She could open her mouth and the audience amaze,
With her lengthy recitals of movies and plays.
Yolanda’s best years were spent in Algiers
And there she had conquered all of her fears.
So greatly respected by all of her peers,
They’d throw a fabulous party on every New Year’s.
Zoe’s zip had an incredible grip,
It would never accidently slip.
She affixed it to a sailing ship,
And took off on a world-wide surfing trip.